


to wish with all your strength

by avosettas



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Alternate Universe - xxxHoLic Fusion, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24083824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avosettas/pseuds/avosettas
Summary: "Now…” Beetlejuice rounds on Lydia.“Didn’t you say this would be done within an hour?” His grin widens menacingly. “It’s been at least three. That comes out of your paycheck, sweetcheeks.”“I said that before I saw all the shit in this damn room,” Lydia mutters, hanging up the ugly red suit with all the striped ones.// a series of one-shots meant to act as a sequel toa state in which all other outcomes are impossible, a fusion of beetlejuice and xxxholic
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was written after a long conversation about what constitutes folklore (as opposed to urban legends, cryptids, etc). glawackuses are cool, and also like. one of the only things close to folklore that have been supposedly seen in connecticut. 
> 
> this won't make much sense if you haven't read _a state in which all other outcomes are impossible_ , but if you wanna try, be my guest!

“How much trash does he keep in here… Christ.” The store is still so, so dusty, despite Lydia working for at least a week straight. She’s still wading through garbage - literally, in some cases. 

Barbara and Adam had no use for the kitchen, so uneaten food had been left to rot on unwashed plates. It was mostly microwave meals and take-out - Lydia firmly believed, despite his claims otherwise, that Beetlejuice could not cook. Apparently, it didn’t stop him from eating though. 

Lydia had vehemently refused to return to the kitchen after seeing the rotting food and demanded that Beetlejuice clean it himself. The shopkeeper had only shrugged and, as she watched, _licked the rotting food off the plates_. 

Adam, having no sense of smell left since his death, had volunteered to actually _wash_ the plates if Lydia cleaned the garbage surrounding the sink and the fridge. 

Now, she had moved to Beetlejuice’s so-called “store room”. There was weird shit everywhere - boxes of dusty tarot cards, open boxes of matches with half of them burnt already… A lot of suits, most of them variations of what Beetlejuice wore on the daily - vertical black and white stripes, with odd stains and messy patchwork in weird spots. 

“Why is this hanging on the wall, what the _fuck_...” Lydia pulls down the one suit that’s different - red with a texture like crushed velvet, with a pattern on it that looks something like… bloodstains? Wine stains? She pulls it down, reaching to dislodge it from whatever the hell it’s stuck on… 

She’d like to say that having worked with _literal ghosts_ has made her immune to some stuff, but Lydia screams. 

“Aw, don’t be mean to the glawackus!” Beetlejuice’s voice crows from behind her, and the smell of him hits her almost immediately after. 

Lydia wheels on him, arms crossed to hide her shaking hands. “The _what_?” She regrets getting all up in his face - his teeth look pretty sharp, and the smell is even worse up close, but she won’t back down. “It looks like you sewed together the bodies of a bear, a panther, and a lion together, stuffed them, and then threw it onto your wall and hoped it would stick by the end of its tail!” 

Beetlejuice looks behind her to the so-called glawackus on the wall - Lydia isn’t _wrong_ , per se. “The guy who paid me with it wasn’t great at taxidermy. Pretty good at finding spooky critters, though, huh Lyds?” 

“Why is it blindfolded?” Lydia asks, scrunching her nose up as Beetlejuice reaches up to straighten it.

“They say looking into the eyes of a glawackus will wipe your memory,” comes Adam’s voice from the door.

“I’m getting tired of all the jump-scare bullshit. Only cheap horror flicks do that, you know,” Lydia grumbles. 

“Well, yeah,” Beetlejuice says over her head, as if she hadn’t spoken. “But it’s blind anyway. The blindfold’s just a precaution.” 

“If it’s _dead_ , why bother?” Lydia interrupts, grimacing. 

Adam continues his exposition, as if he’d remembered something suddenly. “They’re blind, but they rely on sound waves -” 

“Like bats,” Lydia interrupts again, moving around both Adam and Beetlejuice, who seems enraptured by the explanation. 

“ - and smell. Also, their screech sounds like the cackle of a hyena,” Adam finishes, looking pleased with himself. “According to those who saw in Colorado and around here, anyway.” 

“You aren’t even working from your own experience?” Lydia replies incredulously. 

“Oh, Barbara and I were born long after the first sighting and dead long before the last,” Adam responds, a strangely satisfied gleam in his eyes. 

“Only one I’ve seen,” Beetlejuice says, thumping one of the haunches of the mounted creature with a fist. “Real rare, nowadays. Now…” He rounds on Lydia. 

“Didn’t you say this would be done within an hour?” His grin widens menacingly. “It’s been at least three. That comes out of your paycheck, sweetcheeks.” 

“I said that before I saw all the shit in this damn room,” Lydia mutters, hanging up the ugly red suit with all the striped ones. 

“So that’s two hours out of your paycheck, then.” Adam says, with an air finality as he looks to Beetlejuice for approval. Lydia looks between them frantically. Beetlejuice grins toothily, and nods.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Beetlejuice, we have a customer!” 
> 
> “ _I_ have a customer, you mean,” Beetlejuice grumbles as he steps onto the porch. 
> 
> // based on xxxholic chapter 125

“Beetlejuice, we have a customer!” Lydia’s head shoots up from the weeds she’s trying to pull out, cued by the ruckus from Adam and Barbara. Behind them is a girl - a year younger than Lydia at most, and in the same school uniform to boot. 

“ _I_ have a customer, you mean,” Beetlejuice grumbles as he steps onto the porch. It’s one of the few times Lydia has seen him without his usual striped suit, but he retains the black and white in his strange aloha shirt. 

And also, he’s still wearing his striped suit pants with the floral-printed shirt. It’s a horrible clash, despite the matching colors, and Lydia had winced when she saw him after walking into the shop. 

Lydia sits back on her heels and leaves her trowel pointed into the soil as Barbara and Adam lead the girl - much like they’d dragged Lydia - to Beetlejuice by the arms. Beetlejuice steps down from the porch, but he still has a good head on his customer - she’s looking up at him wide eyed. 

“I was told to come here if I had a wish, I heard from -” 

“Babe,” Beetlejuice interrupts, stepping closer to her. “I don’t care how you heard about me. The important thing,” he smiles, wide enough to let only a single fang poke above his lips. “Is that you have a wish, and I can grant that wish. For a price.” 

“...Itty bitty price,” Barbara whispers to Adam, behind the customer’s back. Beetlejuice’s hair turns red - Lydia’s never seen _that_ before. 

“Shut the fuck up,” he says to the ghosts, over the customer’s head. “So, what’ll it be?” 

“I’m afraid of my house. There are sounds, when I’m alone…” 

“‘Kay, so.” Beetlejuice rifles through his pockets for several moments, almost comically. Finally, he pulls out what looks to be a cat’s collar, frayed at the edges and ripped at one spot, with the bell hanging on above a slightly frizzy knot. “Carry this around. Whenever you’re in the house. And don’t leave unless it’s an _absolute goddamned necessity_.” Having bent down to look her in the eye as he spoke, Beetlejuice straightens now. “Pay me when it’s done.” 

“Are - are you sure?” 

“Yeah. It’s fine. For you, anyway,” he says, shooting a knowing grin to Lydia. She rolls her eyes - if she could get this damn wish granted with the price to be paid later, she’d hightail it out of here. “Now scram.” 

~  
“Oh, you’re back.” Lydia is airing out Beetlejuice’s old suits in the yard when the customer returns. The girl comes straight up to her. 

“Where is he?” 

“ _He_ is right here,” says Beetlejuice’s voice from behind them. Lydia only barely flinches, but the girl shrieks, before turning on him. 

“Your stupid bell didn’t do anything! I think it made it worse!” 

Beetlejuice raises an eyebrow, and holds out his hand. The girl throws the beat-up collar into his hand, and Beetlejuice closes his hand around it calmly, leveling her a gaze that Lydia usually sees parents give to naughty children. 

“Hold this,” he says, holding the frayed, unknotted end out for Lydia to take. She takes it delicately - there’s no telling what he wants with it. 

Beetlejuice only extends a single, red-clawed fingertip, and flicks the single bell at the other end of the collar. Suddenly, there are two bells. Lydia blinks, and Beetlejuice takes it out of her hand and passes it back to the customer. 

“Same rules. Keep this on you, stay in the house, yadda yadda. Call me in the morning,” Beetlejuice tells her flippantly, walking back into the house. The girl stares after him.

Lydia nods at her, before running after her boss. 

“So what happens when she comes back tomorrow?” She asks quietly, because she can still see the customer standing in the yard, looking shell-shocked, in the corner of her eye. 

“She won’t,” Beetlejuice says. He snorts. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed. Think about it,” he turns to face her. “What was the first thing you had to do when you met me?” 

“Cover my nose because you fucking stink,” Lydia replies automatically. 

Beetlejuice frowns, wrinkling his nose like a child. “ _After_ that, you little shit.” 

“You made me read your name off some card three times.” 

“Correct-a-mundo. Because you’re human. More precisely…” he turns and keeps walking toward the living room, but Lydia knows he’s grinning. “You’re _alive_.”

“You’re saying that girl was a ghost,” Lydia states slowly. 

“Ye-up,” Beetlejuice replies. “And soon enough whoever is living in that house with her spirit will call for an exorcism or move. And her wish will be granted.” 

“She wanted not to be scared of her house, and you’re getting her exorcised.” 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Beetlejuice pokes her in the cheek, causing her to drop her disgusted face. “Look, she’s out of the house, she’s not afraid of it anymore, is she?” 

“... I guess not,” Lydia agrees slowly. 

“See, I don’t do the morality bullshit,” Beetlejuice says, finally stopping his stroll through the house in his bedroom. He closes the door about halfway behind him before turning and smiling at Lydia again. “I just grant the wishes, and it’s more fun for me if they happen to involve murder.”


End file.
